Photo: Trinity Treft
This content was originally posted on Quora by user Jay Johnson, in response to the question “Have you ever done something useful with your grief?”
My first wife died suddenly early one morning. I chronicled her death in answer to [another Quora Question].
When she died, I owned my own IT consulting company. After her death, every morning, I drove my 10-year-old son to school. My 14-year-old daughter had a friend that was 16, had her license, and would drive my daughter to school (they went to the same school).
Once I dropped my son off, I went to my office. All day, every day, I just sat at my desk. I couldn’t do anything. When it was time, I picked up my son and went home.
This went on for weeks.
I finally decided I needed to do something — anything. But what could I do?
I had an idea.
My wife and I had a large extended family and a very broad circle of friends. So? I decided I would write to each and every one of them. I could tell them about how that person’s or couple’s relationship with my wife was so meaningful.
So I wrote. The postal letters were long. As I finished each letter and mailed it, I felt relief. Each letter was an acknowledgment of the relationship, with a full stop — time to move on.
The people who received these letters were extremely grateful, and I know the letters helped them to come to terms with their own grief.
I can’t say how many letters I wrote, but this process went on for a few (or several) weeks.
Finally, I could think of no one else to write to.
And finally, my mind and emotions were cleared enough such that I was able to effectively return to work.