Photo: @thetonik_co
People are generally familiar with the idea that grief brings about sadness, sometimes anger. Anxiety has often been referred to as the other stage of grief because it’s not part of “the big five” but it’s not uncommon for loss to bring up this feeling. Claire Bidwell even wrote a book on it. For some, because anxiety isn’t always talked about alongside grief, experiencing it for the first time feels unexpected and confusing.
There are many reasons why people might feel anxious after a loss—financial strain, changes in relationships and living arrangements, the added stress of having to handle someone’s affairs or estate. Loss also shines a light on the impermanence of life, and that can turn into fear.
Here are a few ways to deal with anxiety, if you find yourself in this position.
Familiarize yourself
Sometimes being unable to label or understand a feeling, especially one like anxiety, can intensify it. Read about anxiety and panic attacks and learn about the physiological and mental symptoms so you can recognize when it’s happening. Learn about what anxiety feels like in your body and mind so that when you experience it, you can name it.
Notice triggers
Once you’re able to start identifying the anxiety, pay attention to when you’re feeling it more often. See if there are patterns. Do you start to feel more panicked when you’re behind the wheel? About to go to sleep? If you can identify times of day or situations where your anxiety peaks, this can help you prepare for it.
Breathe
The number one way to help manage anxiety is to breathe. Taking deep breaths, especially all the way into the diaphragm (known as deep belly breathing) can relax your parasympathetic nervous system and let your body and brain know that you’re not in danger. Read more about deep belly breathing in this post.
Think of your feet
Another way to manage anxiety in the moment is to ask yourself where your feet are. This technique helps you become present in the moment and can help take your mind off of the fear and panic. Anxiety can sometimes be a feeling in the mind, like a runaway train. Reminding yourself where your feet are can bring you back into your body and ground you in the now.
Talk to a professional
You don’t have to suffer alone. If you’re experiencing anxiety in your life, talk to a professional — a therapist, doctor, or psychiatrist. There’s no shame in getting help. Talk therapy is a great way to verbalize and understanding your feelings and what’s contributing to them. Medication can also be a helpful step and may not need to be a permanent solution. Talk to your personal doctor to get more information on whether this is the right approach for you. [Grief Collective is not recommending one particular health treatment and is not a substitution for professional advice]