Talk therapy can be an incredibly helpful experience when navigating grief. A trained professional can listen to your thoughts and feelings, and they can help provide context for your experience as well as advise you on what to do next. Therapists can help with many different areas, from terminal illness to grief and loss to anxiety. Many therapists now offer remote options as well as in-person. We did a whole post on therapy apps as well, which you can check out here.
Here are steps to consider when looking for a therapist:
Determine your budget
If you are like most people who live in the US, there are cost implications to be aware of when considering therapy. Costs can range based on several factors including location, frequency, and insurance coverage. The good news is that many insurance providers cover therapy if it’s in-network or charge a co-pay cost, which could be minimal depending on your insurance. Most of this information can be determined by contacting your insurance company or looking at your benefits website—some even include a search for in-network providers. If you don’t have insurance or prefer not to use it, you can also pay out-of-pocket. It’s not uncommon for out-of-pocket therapy costs to be $100+ per session. If weekly isn’t in your budget, consider working with your therapist to find a schedule that will.
Also note that some therapists offer a sliding scale for payment - this is something to ask about in preliminary conversations. And if these options are all cost prohibitive, therapy apps can be another option (some accept insurance) as well as free or reduced-cost therapy through HRSA.
Search for therapists
The next step is to actually find a few options for therapists to contact. A great starting point is Psychology Today’s therapist finder, where you can search by location and filter or search by specialty. You’ll want to look for someone with grief experience to get the most relevant training. If you’re starting with a search through an insurance provider, specialties and experience are usually listed, but you may have to go to the therapist’s website to learn more. Most of these search engines will also show whether the therapist is taking new clients.
Learn as much as you can about your potential options to help narrow it down. Read bios and review credentials to get a better sense of their experience and approach. Once you’ve found a few that resonate with you, you can reach out using their contact information. Let them know you’re interested in therapy as a new patient, and they should be able to take it from there.
Assess if they're a good fit for you
A good thing to know going in is that not every therapist will be a good fit. This is why it’s also helpful to have a few options narrowed down before contacting—in case one just doesn’t feel right. The relationship you have with your therapist will be an important one, where you should feel a sense of trust, openness, and non-judgment. Many therapists recommend a preliminary phone call or session to get a sense of whether it’s a fit for you both before committing to a longer arrangement, but this is also something you can request (note that this may have an associated cost). Feel free to ask them questions about their approach, what they look for in clients, their views on any topics that are important to you (e.g. religion, medication, etc.). Take note of how you feel talking to them. You may be nervous if it’s your first time, but do you feel respected? Heard? As much as you can, try to go with your gut.
get on a schedule
Once you’ve found a therapist and confirmed their fit, the typical next step is scheduling. You can work with the therapist to determine frequency, day and time, and iron out other details. There may be some paperwork involved and if you’re using an insurance provider you will need to provide your insurance information. Also take note of their policies so you’re aware (information-sharing, cancellation fees, holidays). Once you’ve started seeing your therapist regularly, you’ll get a better feel for their style. The first few sessions may feel awkward. You’ll often be asked to provide lots of background information early on so they can better understand how to support you. You can decide how much you want to share. The therapist may or may not take notes, and they may ask some follow-up questions as you go along.
evaluate over time
After you’ve been seeing your therapist regularly, you’ll have a better idea of fit and how much therapy is helping you overall. It’s not uncommon for it to take multiple sessions for therapy to feel more comfortable and helpful, and it’s good to have realistic expectations going in. Your therapist won’t be able to solve all of your problems, but they should be able to help you feel less alone, provide strategies for coping with the big emotions, and offer perspective on your thoughts in a way that helps you process.
As time goes on, you will have a better sense of your therapy needs. You may find that you want to increase or decrease the frequency of sessions. You may want to see if your therapist offers longer sessions. You may even get to a point where you feel okay without therapy — or where it’s not the right fit for your life anymore. On the other hand, you may find that things aren’t flowing well and sessions aren’t feeling as helpful. In any of these situations, it’s best to speak with your therapist and let them know what you’re thinking. At the end of the day, therapy should be a helpful tool for you - and if you find that isn’t the case for whatever reason, it’s okay to change things up.