What happens in the body when you're grieving?
Photo: @nseylubangi
“We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.” ― Bessel A. van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score
You may have heard the phrase “the body keeps the score” before, referring to the idea that emotional pain can show up in our bodies in unexpected ways, sometimes long after the initial trauma occurred. Grief is similar. When a person is experiencing grief, it can take more than an emotional toll—it can also put the body under stress in the short and long term.
First, let’s start with why our bodies react to grief:
Increased stress hormones
Stress hormones like cortisol on their own are a normal part of life. When in balance, Cortisol helps stabilize blood sugar, manage inflammation, and regulate blood pressure, to name a few of its important jobs. But grief, like any stressful event, can lead to an increase in the production of cortisol, and this can result in changes to your body that make you tired, anxious, or sick.
Trauma
In his book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel A. Van der Kolk concluded that traumatic events imprint on people physically as well as emotionally, leading to lingering physical symptoms long after the traumatic event occurred. This conclusion is accepted by several psychologists today and can be true for loss too.
Lifestyle changes
For many people, a loss also comes with new responsibilities and stressors—financial changes, shifts in childcare or parental care, asset management, and more. These new responsibilities can not only contribute to stress (and the hormone response), they can also just mean that a grieving person has less time to try to rest or take care of themselves.
Here are some common ways the body can react to grief—and some small ways to reduce the impact:
Headaches / body aches
Everyone holds stress in their bodies differently. Some people clench their teeth, which can lead to jaw pain and headaches. Some people tense their shoulders, and others tense their hips or core. Over time, this routine clenching can lead to body aches. Headaches are also common after long bouts of crying.
Consider: staying hydrated, noticing clenching or tension in the moment and releasing with a deep breath, light stretching
Energy levels
The body's energy levels may fluctuate, with some people feeling fatigued and others experiencing restlessness or insomnia.
Consider: limiting excess caffeine, resting when you can, finding a restful activity to fall asleep (like reading a book or listening to calming music), taking a short walk if restless
Decreased immunity
The immune system can also be affected by cortisol changes. The body's ability to fight off infections and heal from injuries may be compromised during this time, so take extra care.
Consider: taking a vitamin or supplement (talk to your doctor), resting when you can
Digestion
Loss of appetite or emotional eating are very normal responses to grief. Sometimes the stress of grief can also cause digestive distress.
Consider: having easy snacks or meals on hand, trying to eat at regular times to support your energy, talking to your doctor if digestive issues are prolonged, not being hard on yourself for emotional eating—it’s normal and it’s okay
When it comes to grief, it’s normal—even inevitable—to experience physiological changes. It’s important to remember that taking care of yourself when grieving is about more than your emotions; it’s about your health overall. But don’t stress about getting rid of grief-related stress. Just take it day by day, step by step—and reach out to your community and/or health professionals if you need extra support. Your health is worth it.
Primary sources:
Cleveland Clinic | Harvard Health | Trauma body connection | Bessel A Van der Kolk