Community advice on getting memorial tattoos

Photo: Sincerely Media

We recently shared a post with Grief Collective follower stories about tattoos they’ve gotten in memoriam of someone they’ve lost. Getting a tattoo can be a beautiful way to pay homage, but it’s also a big commitment, and a few followers reached out wanting to know if there were any tips or bits of advice to share with someone considering getting inked.

Here’s what the community had to say.

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Think on it for a while.

“Grief can be so fickle,” one community member wrote. People often say not to make big life changes within the first year of a loss, and while a tattoo may not fall into that category (depending where you get it!) it’s still a big and permanent decision. Only you can decide what’s right for you, but it never hurts to take your time and make sure it’s a decision you’ll feel good about years down the line. It may even take a while to figure out what the right words or images are to remember that person. As other community members shared, there’s no rush.

Research your artist to find the right person.

Finding an artist whose style you like and who has availability can take time. You can research most artists online through tattoo shop websites or the artist’s social media accounts. Look through their work — does their style match your aesthetic? Do they specialize in a certain style? Familiarize yourself with different styles to get a sense of what you like and find artists who match that style. Another good reminder — great artists will usually charge accordingly, so be prepared in your budget. As one community member shared, “quality is an investment,” and when it comes to permanent art on your body, it doesn’t hurt to invest more.

Have the story down.

Often when people get tattoos, the art is symbolic rather than literal. If the tattoo is going to be on a visible place you can expect people to ask about its meaning. When it comes to something as personal as a loss, one community member recommended having a response ready to go — for times you want to share and times you don’t. This can help you control how open you want to be with your story, and it may also be a good litmus test before you get a tattoo of how you expect to talk about it.

Don’t slack on the aftercare.

Getting a tattoo can be an exhilarating endeavor, but it’s not finished the second you leave the chair. There are important aftercare steps for tattoos to ensure that they heal properly, and if you don’t follow them it can be bad for the longevity of the tattoo and…well, your health. Your tattoo artist will give you do’s and don’t’s (e.g. do use clean sheets; don’t hot tub or shave), and it’s important to follow them. Some even say it’s the most important step of getting a tattoo.

Do it.*

Resoundingly, for all the tips and advice in the community shared about getting tattooed, the most common one was: go for it. Of the community members who reached out, many had positive stories to share of getting tattooed to remember their lost loved one. The post sharing 6 memorial tattoos also shows it can be a beautiful tribute - if you’re someone looking to decide.

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*Grief Collective is not recommending anyone get tattooed. Tattoos aren’t for everyone, and it’s okay if that isn’t how you choose to honor your loss. This post reflects sentiments from the community who was asked for advice specific to this topic.

6 community member memorial tattoos

Photo: Sincerely Media

Tattoos have become increasingly popular in the past few decades, running the gamut from artistic expression to commemoration of life events big and small. Inspired by this recent Cup of Jo post (a beautiful and short read), here’s a collection of Grief Collective follower stories about tattoos they’ve gotten to honor someone they’ve lost. Thank you to those of you who submitted your stories.

Next up: community advice if you’re considering a grief- or loss-related tattoo.

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This tattoo on my forearm is the coordinates of our favorite bookstore. The wall outside of it, that I’m standing in front of here, has saying painted in a typewriter font. One says “I walked in expecting to fall in love with the books, not the person I walked in with” and “I know who I’m going to marry someday.” We spend a lot of time here, became “official” here, said I love you for the first time here and I proposed to her in front of this wall (5 years ago today). It became more than a bookstore to us and now, it’s a place I go and feel comfort like we are together on a date all over again. The stars around it are from the Harry Potter books and the coordinates are done in typewriter font. People always look at me a bit funny when I say it’s to a bookstore when they ask about the coordinates, but it’s so special to me. - Katie

It says “the colors of the after.” It’s a metaphor. The life after my dad died has other colors because grief changes you. Sometimes it is full of grays and sometimes it is full of all the happy colors. My dad is on the gray ones but also in the happy ones, because he is everywhere. He was 57 when he died in 2021 and I was 23. - Noe, @noeliabp19

Mason is my only child. We had been talking about getting our first tattoos together for some time. When he was killed in a car accident at 20 years old in April 2019, I knew that I would follow through to honor him. My first, done just a few months later, simply states the reality of my feelings with his wings holding my broken heart. Mason believed in the magic a dreamcatcher holds. My second tattoo showcases that magic with an image of his eye looking over my life, knowing that he walks with me forever. - Melissa

I lost my dad in 2018. I had this tattoo in remembrance of the last time he told me he loved me. - Sarah

My dad’s passion was canal boating. He fulfilled his dream and ended up owning a custom made one that he and my mum spent months of the year on traveling the UK via the waterways. I spent many a day (and night) joining them on some of their adventures and have so many precious memories of the boat with him. I got one of the traditional hand painted roses that was on his boat tattooed on me. - Helen

I got [a tattoo] on my late boyfriend’s birthday weekend after he passed of his birth month flower. A morning glory. Single line, dainty and perfect. So happy I did it! Also the same spot he had one. September is the month. It’s under my left arm on my rib cage so it’s close to my heart too. - Bergie