How to: deep belly breathing

Photo: Fabian Moller

You’ve probably heard the advice “take a deep breath” a hundred times. And it’s true—deep breathing is a simple and effective tool to manage stress, anxiety, and depression. But what you may not know is how to actually breathe deeply.

Let’s try this: take a moment, get comfortable, and take a deep breath. You probably felt your lungs fill up, your chest rise and fall. Maybe you feel a bit more relaxed. This is all great, but according to breath experts (yes, it’s a thing), we can do better.

Most of us breathe from our chests rather than fully engaging our diaphragm, which is just next to our bellies. Breathing all the way into the diaphragm—really filling up on the inhale all the way to the bottom of our stomachs—produces a different physiological response than chest breathing. It can reduce blood pressure, increase the amount of oxygen in your blood, and reduce heart rate, to name a few benefits (of many). Some holistic practitioners also say that this breathing helps root into your core, allowing you to feel more grounded and clear.

Deep belly breathing (also called diaphragmatic breathing) can be a helpful tool in navigating the stress and anxiety associated with loss.

How to do deep belly breathing

Here’s how you can learn to do deep belly breathing on your own (adapted from this tutorial). It may feel a little unnatural at first if you’re like many people who breathe through their chests, but over time you can make it a routine practice. Aim for 3 good breaths in a row.

Disclaimer: If you have a lung condition like COPD or asthma, speak with your healthcare provider before trying any type of breathing exercise. If you feel lightheaded at any time, discontinue the breathing exercise.

Step 1: Get comfortable
You’ll want to start in a comfortable position, sitting or lying down on your back. Your posture should feel relaxed but not slouched.

Step 2: Place a hand on your upper chest
This will help you observe where your breath is really coming from. If you're engaging your diaphragm (deep belly breaths) properly, this hand should remain relatively still as you breathe in and out.

Step 3: Place the other hand below your ribcage
The other hand should rest on your belly, just above your navel. This will allow you to feel your diaphragm move as you breathe.

Step 4: Breathe in through your nose
The air going into your nose should move downward so that you feel your stomach rise with your other hand. It’s important not to force your abdominal muscles in the movement, just let your belly fill and expand without straining. The movement (and the airflow) should be smooth. Remember that the hand resting on your chest should remain relatively still. 

5. Breathe out through your mouth
Exhale slowly through slightly open lips, letting your belly relax. You should feel the hand that's over it fall inward as you exhale. Again, don't force the muscles around your stomach inward by squeezing or clenching. The hand on your chest should continue to remain relatively still.

I hope that deep belly breathing can be a useful tool for you to take with you as you navigate the current global situation and any feelings that arise during stressful times associated with grief, loss, anxiety, and depression. Comment below on how it goes for you.

How meditation can provide support in grief

Photo: JD Mason

“Mindfulness not only makes it possible to survey our internal landscape with compassion and curiosity but can also actively steer us in the right direction for self-care.”

— Bessel A. Van der Kolk

When I first learned about meditation, it was introduced by my college grief counselor. We had spent several sessions talking about my fears and anxieties after losing my dad and how I was having trouble falling asleep, so she emailed me an audio file, and she encouraged me to listen to it as I was getting ready for bed. That night I plugged my headphones into my iPod mini, laid down on my bed, and listened to the 10-minute clip in the darkness.

It started with a woman’s voice speaking slowly and calmly. She instructed me to take three deep breaths. After a few moments of silence, she asked me to draw my attention to my toes and focus on relaxing the muscles while continuing to breathe. After a few moments of focus on my toes, she asked me to draw my attention to my ankles and repeat the same exercise. The voice continued to direct my attention to various parts of my body, all the way up to my head, encouraging deep breaths throughout. By the end of the audio file, I felt more relaxed in my body and my mind, and I was able to fall asleep easily that night.

Meditation comes in many forms. It can be guided or unguided, it can be done walking or seated or lying down, it can be done in a group or on your own. No one approach is better than another—it’s more based on personal preference—but the benefits, especially in grief, are major. This Mayo Clinic article has lots of additional details on the general benefits and different types of meditation, but when it comes to dealing with grief and loss, these are my top reasons:

Help with sleep
A lot of the anxiety I dealt with after my dad’s death peaked when I was getting ready to fall asleep. Suddenly, right as my head hit the pillow, I’d find my thoughts and worries running rampant. Doing meditation right before bed can help your nervous system and brain go into rest mode to better prepare you for sleep. And practicing meditation on a consistent basis can help train your body and brain to access that calm state more easily and frequently throughout the day, which can help prevent the sudden surge of thoughts at night.

Health
I rarely got so much as a cold growing up, but the year after my dad died it seemed like I was sick every other week. Stress can take a toll on your immune system, which can leave you more susceptible to illness. And with grief, especially with anxiety, the stress on your body and nervous system is constant. Your parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest), activated by meditation as well as breathing and other grounding activities, can combat the body’s natural reaction to stress and restore you to a calmer state. Meditation, especially when you’re more prone to stress in a time of loss, can help keep your nervous system from operating in fight-or-flight mode, which wears on the health of your mind and body over time.

The brain-body connection
When we’re stressed, we tend to store tension in our bodies in different ways. Some people are jaw-clenchers, some are shoulder-tensing, a lot of us even store emotion in our hips (it’s a common belief that, dating back to the fetal position, this is our first bodily reaction to stress). Meditation is a great tool to manage the physical symptoms that come along with grief, such as muscle tension, headaches, stomach discomfort, and anxiety-related chest tightness. For me, the guided meditation that focused on areas of the body illuminated where I was storing tension, and it helped me relax and bring more awareness to how I held stress throughout the day.

Existing in the present
When I was in the early days of grief, as I suspect many people can relate to, I spent most of my time thinking about the past, holding onto old memories, wishing I could change things. And when I wasn’t longing for the past, I was worrying about what the future held. Meditation is about focusing on the present moment—what’s here and now. That’s why practices encourage you to focus on your breath or have a mantra you repeat or, in my case with the audio file, focus on relaxing different parts of your body. These methods are meant to bring your attention to things that are tangible with the goal of anchoring you. As hard as it is to acknowledge, we only ever have control over the present moment. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t think about the past or the future, but meditation helps re-center you when you feel yourself getting swept up.

These are just some of my thoughts around where meditation can be useful in a grieving process. What other benefits have you seen with meditation and grief? I’d love to hear.

6 apps for meditation

Meditation has plentiful benefits, including stress and anxiety reduction, improved sleep and memory, and even improved blood pressure. It’s also a helpful tool in grief to practice calm and presence. There are lots of resources out there to help with starting a meditation practice, but technology has made it even easier to take those resources on the go. Here are five mobile apps that can help you establish or deepen your meditation work. If you’ve tried any of them or if you have other favorites, respond in the comments!

Headspace
Headspace is a popular mobile app with many guided meditations across a variety of topics grouped into courses - they even have a section of meditations specifically for grief. The techniques in the app are rooted in both the Burmese and Tibetan Buddhist traditions. App is $69.99 per year but a 14-day free trial is available for new users.

Insight Timer
The Insight Timer app is a free meditation app, which makes it a popular choice. They have thousands of meditations in the app today but add new meditations to the daily, ranging from help with sleep to self-compassion to focus and concentration. A premium subscription costing $59.99 per year can be added on to unlock features like downloads and higher quality audio, but otherwise it’s all free.

Calm
The Calm app has a collection of guided meditations to get you started, but they also have a calm music and sound section where you can listen to the sounds of a thunderstorm or a river in the woods. They’ve started a series called Sleep Stories, where celebrity voices read bedtime stories to help you drift off. There’s even one called Happy Little Zzzs with Bob Ross, where you can let the soothing brush strokes and voice of Bob Ross lull you into a slumber. Calm’s subscription cost is $69.99 per year or $14.99 per month.

Simple Habit
Simple Habit is geared around shorter sessions (five minutes) to help users fit meditation into their schedules, but there are also longer sessions available grouped into themes like focus, well-being, and relax. Simple Habit offers many of its sessions for free, but to download sessions and access the full library of meditations costs $89.99 per year or $11.99 per month.

10% Happier
This app was created by Dan Harris, the journalist who also authored the book 10% Happier. The 10% Happier app offers an intro course and a few featured meditations. One is called Ten Good Breaths, which highlights a super-approachable meditation technique. There’s also an ability to have a conversation with an experienced meditator if you have questions. Annual membership costs $99.99 after a seven-day free trial.

Samsara
If you prefer not to be guided and prefer something minimal, Samsara Timer is a perfect choice. It’s an adjustable timer with a calming, resonant bell sound to signal that time’s up. It also keeps track of your days and overall time spent meditating. One downside is that the minimal interface makes it a little tricky to adjust the timer, but you get the hang of it after a few tries. Total cost is $6.99 (single purchase).