Grief Stories
Introducing Grief Stories, a website featuring videos of people sharing their stories with grief, all in the hope of driving more connection and community for those grieving.
Today, we’re excited to be featuring another grief mission, Grief Stories, a website featuring videos of people sharing their stories with grief, all in the hope of driving more connection and community for those grieving. They have a robust set of resources on their site as well, and they have a podcast you can check out if you’re more of the listener type! Read on below to learn more about Grief Stories and their background and mission.
Sharing Stories for Hope and Healing in Grief
Humans have been telling stories throughout time. We tell stories to teach lessons and share information, and to entertain. Stories are powerful, they can elicit a full range of emotion, and they can be a vehicle for healing in grief.
Two filmmakers recognized the power of stories to help the bereaved find hope and healing, and they recruited a social worker to support their efforts to create a free virtual resource that would offer information and comfort for those who are adjusting to a loss. Grief Stories was born, offering a library of short videos, blog posts, and a podcast designed to offer stories to aid in healing grief.
Sean Danby lost his vibrant, young wife Suzy to cancer. He was doing all the right things to grieve. He went to therapy, he joined a grief group, he was feeling and talking about his feelings. Still, at three in the morning when he was awake and alone with his grief, there was nowhere to turn. Surfing the internet brought him to a lot of sites with written information about the experience of grief, but in the wee hours, he didn’t want to read. When he shared this dilemma with his friend Rob Quartly, Rob suggested that there was an alternative. As filmmakers, they could make some films for Sean to watch that would help him feel less alone in the middle of the night.
The first films they made involved Sean’s family and Suzy’s care team. From there, the idea blossomed into the rich resource that it is now. The team at Grief Stories invites guests to share their stories of hope and healing in grief by creating short videos where real people talk about their experience of loss and what has helped them through it. With more than five hundred videos now, the library keeps growing, and the team is committed to increasing diversity and inclusion across a wide range of grief experiences.
You’ll also find a series of blog posts by people who work in the field of grief, with guest posts by those with lived experience. Mindful of the fact that sometimes in grief we have a shorter attention span, these posts are kept to around five hundred words, and focus on information intended to let people know they are not alone.
The Grief Stories podcast, hosted by registered social worker Maureen Pollard, is a series of interviews with a wide range of guests. There are three main podcast types. In the first, Maureen speaks with people about their experience of loss, and what is helping them adjust. In the second type, Maureen speaks with people who work in the field of grief about the key information they wish everyone knew about grief. In the third type of podcast, Maureen interviews artists about the power of creating art for exploring and expressing feelings as you move through the experience of grief.
There is a resource page, with links to organizations and information that the bereaved may find helpful, and a page with information about using the expressive arts as coping tools. You’ll find a page about creating visual art, using music and therapeutic writing for healing in grief.
As the project has evolved, it has become clear that sharing our stories helps everyone. Those who participate in the project by sharing their stories on film, in a blog post or as a podcast guest consistently report that they find this experience well supported and cathartic. They feel seen and heard in their experience and that is powerful. It also feels good to know that their story could help someone else feel less alone. Those who visit the website also report that when they are in the depths of their grief, they find it helpful to listen to stories they can relate to that offer hope for healing. Sharing stories helps everyone heal. ▪️
Thank you to Marueen Pollard and the Grief Stories team for contributing. You can find out more about Grief Stories at their website, on social media at @grief_stories , and by subscribing to Grief Stories wherever you listen to podcasts.
If you or someone you know is interested in being featured on Grief Collective, please reach out via email at hello@griefcollective.com.
Dan Levy on the quiet, unexpected moments of grief
Dan Levy, a writer and actor known for acting in and creating the show Schitt’s Creek, has recently shifted gears from comedy into the grief world with his creation of the movie Good Grief. He recently joined the We Can Do Hard Things podcast to share about his grief experiences and the perspectives that shaped this recent creation.
Photo: Dillon Kydd
Dan Levy, a writer and actor known for acting in and creating the show Schitt’s Creek, has recently shifted gears from comedy into the grief world with his creation of the movie Good Grief. He recently joined the We Can Do Hard Things podcast to share about his grief experiences and the perspectives that shaped this recent creation.
In the movie, he describes grief “like swimming in clothes and I can’t take them off,” but in the podcast he shares the surprising feeling of delayed grief after the loss of his grandmother until a quiet, poignant moment in the snow. It does a beautiful job of summarizing the unexpected feelings that come along with loss. All feelings fit.
“It’s not about resolution. It’s about loving your way through it.”
You can listen to the full episode below - the grief portion begins at 10:17.
The full transcript of the podcast episode can be found here.
Interview: Bryan Jung of “This is Why”
We’re talking to Bryan Jung, creator of the grief website This is Why.
In our first ever interview, we’re talking to Bryan Jung, creator of the grief website This is Why. Bryan created the site after experiencing his own loss, wanting to create a space for people to share their feelings and experiences with grief anonymously. Today he shares about this creation as well as his own story, his journey with grief, and advice for anyone who’s early in their own grief journey.
Let’s get into it!
1. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
My name is Bryan Jung. I was born and raised in a suburb near Seattle, Washington, but currently live in Denver, Colorado. I have one older brother, who is three years older, living in Los Angeles, California. My mother is still doing great, living around the Seattle area.
Growing up, I played baseball, basketball, soccer, and golf, and I still love playing any & all sports recreationally. These days, I love to play softball, volleyball, flag football, pickleball, and tennis. Golf is still my top sport today, however. It can definitely be frustrating at times, but I love the challenge and the pursuit of getting better each round.
Whether it is playing instruments, producing and performing music, or listening to all types of genres, music is a big facet of my life. My mother was a piano teacher before I was born and still teaches to this day. There is no doubt I got the music bug from her.
2. What loss or losses first started your journey with grief?
My grief journey started in 2006 when I lost my father at ten years old. However, the origin of the journey really began on November 3rd, 2004. A day I will never forget.
In November 2004, my father, who was a lawyer at the time, was winning in a court case, and the opposing lawyer knew this. On November 3rd, when my father and the opposing lawyer were supposed to appear in court together, the opposing lawyer decided to show up to my father’s office and shoot at him three times with a silenced pistol. One bullet struck my father in the head, leaving him bed-ridden in a coma. As I visited him in the hospital at nine years old, I could not talk to him. He could not move, and the first time he opened his eyes was when he heard my brother and I’s voices. It was the toughest part of my life to see him in this state, especially at such a young age. He fought to survive for 15 hard months until his death in February 2006. It was greatly saddening, but I knew that he was free of pain and in a better place.
3. What was that time like for you?
It was an incredibly difficult time not only between November 2004 and February 2006, but also the years following. I developed a pretty significant anxiety disorder that I battled up until college. However, thankfully, time was able to heal my body & mind, and I am extremely grateful it does not impact me today.
Looking back, it all felt like a blur as I was just a nine & ten year old trying to navigate this loss, then doing my best to continue having the most normal childhood I could.
It was the strong bond within my family that kept me going each and every day. My mother was, and still is, the strongest person I know. Because of her, my older brother and I never gave up. She constantly found ways to keep our heads up and provide for us. She kept pushing us each and every day, making sure we stayed on the right paths, never veering off. Together, as a family, we were able to overcome every obstacle and get to where we are today.
Additionally, the support system from friends and neighbors was truly incredible and helped us get through an unbelievably difficult time. I am constantly grateful for what everyone did for our family and I am thankful beyond words each & every day.
4. What first drew you into the grief community? Was there anything that stands out as a watershed moment in your grieving process?
As I got older, I came into a better place both mentally & emotionally and wanted badly to help others who’ve experienced loss at an early age. After college, when I would have a bit more time, I wanted to find a tangible way to help others.
During my research, I came across the United States-based Eluna organization and their nationwide Camp Erin program. I instantly knew it was something I wanted to be involved in.
I volunteered at my first Camp Erin in 2019, and my life was changed. It was such a profound experience to see and help the kids grieve in a safe, friendly environment. It was incredibly special to show them, through words and actions, that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Ever since, I have been wanting to find more opportunities to work with children who have undergone similar circumstances as myself.
5. You started your own endeavor, This is Why. Tell us a little bit about it - and what made you want to create it, and how has it changed your relationship with grief?
This Is Why is a creative platform for individuals who have lost a parent as a child or teenager. I want to provide a safe space for individuals of all ages, with the option of anonymity, to share emotions, thoughts, and experiences. In turn, we can build a community with others who’ve undergone similar circumstances. I want to highlight how past experiences have made us who we are today, spotlighting our resilience and perseverance for more positive and optimistic lives ahead.
As I am not a trained professional in the health space, I make an effort to provide a “layman’s” perspective on learnings that have helped me over the years in the hope that they can help just one person somewhere in the world. I do my best to provide as many resources as possible for others who are going, or have gone through, an early loss.
So far, This Is Why has helped open my eyes to how many incredibly strong, resilient people there are all over this world who have undergone a similar experience. It has been a profound venture so far, and I can’t wait to see where the community goes in the future.
6. What’s been most surprising to you about grief in general?
The most surprising element of grief I’ve found is the complexity of grief. There are so many layers and how it can directly, but also indirectly, affect everyday life. Emotions and phases of life ebb & flow, but it is about doing what you can to live the most fulfilling life possible.
With everything that has happened in my life, I’ve come to learn that every second and every moment cannot, and should not, be taken for granted. Anything can happen in a split second and life can instantly change course forever. I make an effort to not just go through, but conquer each and every day.
7. How do you feel you're different now from the person you were before your loss?
As I was just a young kid when I lost my father, I am significantly more mature and empathetic of others. I am also so grateful for everyone that has helped me get to where I am at today, and I try to show the same level of support to anyone I can, both strangers and those in my inner circle.
I do my best to leverage my internal strength to support everyone around me. I strive to be as vulnerable as possible to help others be more OK with their emotions and thoughts. I love to share my experiences with loss and my anxiety disorder with the hope that someone can gain a bit of strength & hope from my story and life so far.
8. What advice do you have for someone new to the grief world?
Take things slow, one day at a time. Some days will most definitely be harder than others, but no matter how bleak things may seem, I promise that things do get better over time.
Finding a great support system around you is so critical. Find peers, friends, and family who support you and make you feel good being around them. Love & empathy are contagious.
Take care of yourself. Mental health needs to be an increasing priority in this world, individually but also from a support aspect. Find hobbies and interests that you love that can give you a break from feelings of stress, overwhelm, hurt, or loneliness. Doing anything it takes to find happiness & fulfillment is so incredibly important.
Do what makes you happy. This life we have is fleeting, and you never know what can happen at any moment. Let’s make the most out of every second we have in this world.
Thanks so much to Bryan for participating! You can find out more about This is Why at the website, on social at @thisiswhylife and via Linktree.
The Real Stages of Grief, from McSweeny's
Creative writing piece, originally posted on McSweeny’s, February 10, 2023
Credit: Francesco Cavallini
Originally posted by Janine Annett on McSweeny’s, February 10, 2023
Denial
The first stage of grief is denial that calories still exist while you are grieving. Either you will have no appetite, or you will eat junk. You will want to eat fried potatoes in some form almost every day. You will eat all the food that your wonderful friends bring you. You will not step on a scale or even attempt to wear any real pants. When you finally give in and buy an air fryer for all the potatoes you want to eat, you have moved on to the “air fried” stage of denial, where you insist you’re eating healthy.
Anger
The next stage is anger that your phone keeps assuming that you want to call or text your loved one who recently died, which is obviously something you can’t do anymore—but you don’t know how to change the setting that is causing this to happen, and you don’t want to delete your loved one’s contact information in your phone. You will be tempted to throw your phone in the toilet. This will result in more anger, and the cycle begins anew.
Bargaining
During the bargaining phase, you realize you can still be on the hunt for a good deal, even when coping with a horrible situation. Did you know Costco sells caskets? Where else can you get four pounds of pretzels and a casket? Want to forgo the casket? Consider cremation. Do you know how much cremation costs? Be prepared for sticker shock. Maybe it’s time to sharpen those haggling skills.
Depression
You will get depressed over how terrible you look because no amount of eye cream, concealer, or eye drops can reduce the puffiness of your eyes. You will desperately want to get a haircut but don’t know how to face the inevitable “Did you have a good holiday season?” chitchat without blurting out, “Actually, my sister died three days before Christmas; Christmas was also my deceased father’s birthday, so it was already a difficult occasion. How was your holiday?” Then you’ll be depressed over making someone else feel depressed. Try to save face by saying, “And how about this weather!? Can you even believe the sun continues to rise each day?”
Media
During this phase of grieving, all books, movies, television shows, songs on the radio, and dog food commercials will make you cry, no matter how stupid or innocuous they may seem. You’ll be flattened by sheer exhaustion and unable to do anything but lie in bed and watch cheesy movies (all of which seem to have Hugh Grant in them for some reason) and cry for several days.
Bean
You will only want to wear clothing from L.L. Bean. You will acquire a very snuggly blanket from L.L. Bean, and you will also purchase flannel sheets because you are still spending a lot of time in bed watching Hugh Grant movies (he’s pretty delightful in Paddington 2).
Prince
You will listen to Prince on repeat, but to be honest, you sometimes do that anyway. Then you remember that your deceased loved one loved Prince too, and before you know it, you’re sobbing to “Raspberry Beret” in the middle of the supermarket. This is your new normal.
Improv
You will be desperate to do something fun and take your mind off things. This will result in an inexplicable compulsion to sign up for an improv comedy class. Yes, and your loved one is still dead, but at least you now know how to pretend to be someone who didn’t just eat two pounds of air-fried potatoes.
Acceptance
You will accept that since you had to travel at the last minute on a very crowded airplane during peak travel/cold/flu/COVID-19 season and the weather was awful, you might come down with a cold, the flu, COVID-19, or all of those things. Also, your credit card bill will be about two thousand dollars higher than you thought, even with that discount casket, but there is nothing to do but accept it and pay the bill.
Small Steps to Move Forward After Loss
The experience of losing a cherished person is profoundly difficult, and charting a course for your life in the aftermath can feel overwhelming. Moving onward doesn't mean leaving behind the memory of those you've lost. Here are some small steps to facilitate your journey of healing and help you discover a renewed sense of purpose after loss.
Photo: Siebe Warmoeskerken
GUEST POST
The following article was written by Kimberly Hayes. An author bio can be found at the end of this post.
The experience of losing a cherished person is profoundly difficult, and charting a course for your life in the aftermath can feel overwhelming. Moving onward doesn't mean leaving behind the memory of those you've lost. Here are some small steps to facilitate your journey of healing and help you discover a renewed sense of purpose after loss.
Give yourself space to mourn
Granting yourself the latitude to mourn is essential. Recognize that recovery is a lengthy journey and experiencing an array of emotions, from sorrow to frustration, is completely normal. Contrary to societal pressures to "move on," it’s crucial to give yourself time and space to grieve in a manner that is authentic to you.
Face your emotional reality
Suppressing your emotions may seem easier in the short term, but it can have long-term repercussions on your mental health. Research suggests that confronting your emotions head-on, allowing yourself to feel sadness, resentment, or bewilderment can facilitate a healthier, more holistic healing process.
Leverage your community network
During times of hardship, your friends and family can be an invaluable resource. Sharing your thoughts and emotions with them can significantly lighten your emotional load. Beyond that, your community can also provide different perspectives that might help you process your grief more thoroughly.
Craft a lasting tribute
Creating a lasting tribute for a departed loved one can offer a sense of closure and emotional relief. Options like dedicating a park bench, assembling a photo album, or hosting a memorial event can serve as enduring tokens of the joy and love that individual contributed to your life. These tangible commemorations act as perpetual reminders, helping you celebrate their life while finding peace on your own.
Create a personalized keepsake
Transforming the ashes of a departed loved one into a piece of jewelry offers a unique and tactile way to keep their memory close (EverDear is one company that offers this service). Some companies and artisans also offer the creation of blankets or stuffed animals from a loved one’s clothing. Personalized keepsakes can provide comfort and a constant reminder of the love you shared. For those interested in exploring this option, resources like everdear.co offer ideas and professional services to guide you through the process.
Bring in a furry confidant
Pets can offer emotional solace when human interaction feels too taxing. If you’re an animal lover, consider adopting a pet for emotional support. Whether it’s a dog, cat, or even a smaller animal like a guinea pig, a pet can fill your home with life and positive energy. You can find helpful pet care advice through books, websites, and pet care experts to ensure your new friend receives the best possible care. If taking on a pet full-time isn’t in the cards, many cities also offer volunteer opportunities at animal shelters.
Prioritize Holistic Wellness
Taking care of yourself may fall by the wayside during times of grief, yet it is precisely when self-care is most needed. Engage in activities that contribute to your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness techniques, getting regular exercise, keeping a journal, or seeking counseling, self-care should be a non-negotiable part of your healing process.
Loss is one of the harshest trials in life, but the actionable steps outlined here can help guide you through the difficult terrain of grief toward deeper purpose and a renewed sense of self. Remember, each journey of recovery is as unique as the individual walking its path. You can use these tools to embark on your own journey at your own pace, while cherishing the memory of those who have passed on.
Kimberly Hayes enjoys writing about health and wellness and created Public Health Alert to help keep the public informed about the latest developments in popular health issues and concerns.
Sources: Cognitive Psychiatry of Chapel Hill, Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, Matthew Funeral Home, Pets Digest, The Birds World
What happens in the body when you're grieving?
You may have heard the phrase “the body keeps the score” before. When a person is experiencing grief, it can take more than an emotional toll—it can also put the body under stress in the short and long term.
Photo: @nseylubangi
“We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.” ― Bessel A. van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score
You may have heard the phrase “the body keeps the score” before, referring to the idea that emotional pain can show up in our bodies in unexpected ways, sometimes long after the initial trauma occurred. Grief is similar. When a person is experiencing grief, it can take more than an emotional toll—it can also put the body under stress in the short and long term.
First, let’s start with why our bodies react to grief:
Increased stress hormones
Stress hormones like cortisol on their own are a normal part of life. When in balance, Cortisol helps stabilize blood sugar, manage inflammation, and regulate blood pressure, to name a few of its important jobs. But grief, like any stressful event, can lead to an increase in the production of cortisol, and this can result in changes to your body that make you tired, anxious, or sick.
Trauma
In his book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel A. Van der Kolk concluded that traumatic events imprint on people physically as well as emotionally, leading to lingering physical symptoms long after the traumatic event occurred. This conclusion is accepted by several psychologists today and can be true for loss too.
Lifestyle changes
For many people, a loss also comes with new responsibilities and stressors—financial changes, shifts in childcare or parental care, asset management, and more. These new responsibilities can not only contribute to stress (and the hormone response), they can also just mean that a grieving person has less time to try to rest or take care of themselves.
Here are some common ways the body can react to grief—and some small ways to reduce the impact:
Headaches / body aches
Everyone holds stress in their bodies differently. Some people clench their teeth, which can lead to jaw pain and headaches. Some people tense their shoulders, and others tense their hips or core. Over time, this routine clenching can lead to body aches. Headaches are also common after long bouts of crying.
Consider: staying hydrated, noticing clenching or tension in the moment and releasing with a deep breath, light stretching
Energy levels
The body's energy levels may fluctuate, with some people feeling fatigued and others experiencing restlessness or insomnia.
Consider: limiting excess caffeine, resting when you can, finding a restful activity to fall asleep (like reading a book or listening to calming music), taking a short walk if restless
Decreased immunity
The immune system can also be affected by cortisol changes. The body's ability to fight off infections and heal from injuries may be compromised during this time, so take extra care.
Consider: taking a vitamin or supplement (talk to your doctor), resting when you can
Digestion
Loss of appetite or emotional eating are very normal responses to grief. Sometimes the stress of grief can also cause digestive distress.
Consider: having easy snacks or meals on hand, trying to eat at regular times to support your energy, talking to your doctor if digestive issues are prolonged, not being hard on yourself for emotional eating—it’s normal and it’s okay
When it comes to grief, it’s normal—even inevitable—to experience physiological changes. It’s important to remember that taking care of yourself when grieving is about more than your emotions; it’s about your health overall. But don’t stress about getting rid of grief-related stress. Just take it day by day, step by step—and reach out to your community and/or health professionals if you need extra support. Your health is worth it.
Primary sources:
Cleveland Clinic | Harvard Health | Trauma body connection | Bessel A Van der Kolk